may 11 marks 6 months with our current placement. it is wild to think sam and i have both been parents for this long.
i have learned so much about myself and continue to be amazed at God’s redemptive work within these walls. i’m learning to rely on Jesus more and more for things i once thought “i’m pretty good at this,” like patience or kindness or gentleness. in parenting, there is no hiding from my impatience or my frustration. my fuse has become much shorter. i say things out of personal inconvenience rather than sacrificial servanthood. i discipline inconsistently. i am forgetful with all of her meetings and appointments.
then we sleep and do it all over again.
“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” 2 Corinthians 3:18
slowly but surely, God is at work here, within these walls, within the hearts of the people who sleep here. He is transforming us to his likeness, even though i have more hard days than easy. i am cranky. i am exhausted. even more, however, i am thankful His mercies are new every morning, that He gives me another chance to say “you first, God” and that when i mess up, His grace is still sufficient and he delights (yes, delights!) in bringing me back to Him.
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it’s easy for my brain to measure my and sam’s “success” by the number of check marks in the boxes. has she improved her grades? has she established any healthy relationships? did she wash her hands before dinner? did she say please? did she offer to pray this week? if all of these things are getting done, then i am doing okay. then, i am a good parent. then, i am really walking alongside with Jesus. rather than resting in Jesus’ work that is completed, i try to ground myself in my own fruitful productivity… as if the fruit of my labor was up to me anyways. my job is simple: to love her and walk in obedience to God.
whatever happens beyond that is beyond my control and i get to trust the same Father (who also loves me) with her life.
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soon it will be summer and then short thereafter it will be a year that sam and i have had an open foster care license. when we set out to do this, we had no idea what the next season of life would bring, what new challenges, what new blessings. we both prayed and walked in obedience to His calling to do foster care. we agreed upon one year, not having a clue what may lay ahead. little did i know, i was dating the man i am going to marry this july!
i could write for a very long time on how simply awesome it has been to get to be pursued, encouraged and served by him (david), especially in this roller coaster of a ride called “foster care.” i love that she has gotten to see what being treasured can look like and a picture of a healthy (although certainly not perfect) relationship. together, sam, david and i have been praying for the next transition of our house and the people who live here. God has been gracious to give us peace about the next season. last month, david took the foster care certification classes. sam will be an arm's length away in the city and david will step in with our current placement. bah!!! so many emotions on that… but a different time and a different post (:
christine
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